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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26058268">A Dream Itself (Is But a Shadow)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misthia/pseuds/StarsCrackedOpen'>StarsCrackedOpen (Misthia)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Things Carried, Unseen [15]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Ahsoka Tano Needs a Hug, Best Friends, F/M, Flashbacks, Force Bond (Star Wars), Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Master &amp; Padawan Relationship(s), Nightmares, Pre-Relationship, Protective Anakin Skywalker, War</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:01:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,092</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26058268</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misthia/pseuds/StarsCrackedOpen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Anakin’s eyes opened, and he was unsure if the scream he’d heard had been real. <i>What...? </i>As he woke up more fully, brain firing, he realized the feeling <i>behind</i> it was still there and it was coming from nearby — from Ahsoka. </p><p>Bolting upright, he jumped out of bed, yanking his robe around him as he made for the door.</p><p>Or: In which Anakin isn’t the only one who has nightmares.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Anakin Skywalker &amp; Ahsoka Tano, Anakin Skywalker/Ahsoka Tano</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Things Carried, Unseen [15]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1839160</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>218</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A Dream Itself (Is But a Shadow)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Warning: I tagged this with a warning as a character recounts something they experienced and saw in a warzone, and discussions of related nightmares. It’s not glorified or drawn out, but might be distressing if you’re sensitive to such imagery.</p><p>I wrestled this one back and forth for a couple of weeks, and I’m not 100% happy with it. This last week has been unusually difficult and writing has just been oddly hard. I’m still going on that AU, but because I don’t write in a linear fashion I have to have all the major bits completely sorted before I start posting.</p><p>The last couple of pieces have had Ahsoka doing the comforting, and now here’s one where Anakin is in that role. Their relationship throughout TCW isn’t a one-way street, which to me<br/>is another strength of their connection and a reason I like their interactions in general.</p><p>As ever, I own nothing. The title is also from Shakespeare — Hamlet.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em>“What, all so soon asleep! I wish mine eyes </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Would, with themselves, shut up my thoughts.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>- William Shakespeare, The Tempest, Act II, Scene I</em>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Ahsoka had, of late, not slept well.</p><p>It wasn’t every night, but her occasional bad dreams had been replaced with a recurring nightmare that started differently each time. The ending was always the same.</p><p>This time, the dream didn’t make it that far. The blast still happened, and she fell, but when she turned over, <em>IT</em> wasn’t waiting for her. Instead, a shower of blood splashed over her, wet and strangely cold. She jerked back—</p><p>And jerked awake.</p><p>She sat up, breathing deeply. She was in her bed on Coruscant. <em>Just a dream. Just a dream. Just a...</em></p><p>But it being a dream didn’t account for the very real wetness of her bedding...and her montrals. She heard what sounded like water running. She flipped the covers back and stepped out of bed, confused, right into a puddle.</p><p>She looked up.</p><p>Water was leaking steadily through several spots in her ceiling, the plaster crumbling. Groggy, heart still racing from her dream, she heard a commotion outside the door and stuck her head out to see the other padawans on the fourth level coming out of their quarters as well. A couple of them were going in search of help, and the hall floor was similarly flooded. Behind her came a cracking noise as a chunk of her ceiling fell.</p><p>She blinked blankly at it, the whole night feeling like a larger bad dream she couldn’t wake from.</p><p>It was well past midnight. Ahsoka re-entered her quarters, feet squishing into the sopping carpet. She looked around with a sigh, not sure what to do. Only one option seemed to make much sense. She pulled open the closet hesitantly, grateful to find it was still dry inside. She stuffed a change of clothes into a bag, grabbed a spare blanket from the shelf and set off for level seven.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Anakin was finally setting aside his tinkering and getting ready to turn in for the night when his door chime rang. He frowned. It was nearly one in the morning.</p><p>But he recognized the presence and was immediately on alert as he made his way to the door and palmed the panel. It flew open to reveal his padawan, in nightclothes, clearly sleep-rumpled and looking a bit put out. A blanket was tucked under her arm and a small bag slung over her shoulder. “Snips? Wha—”</p><p>“I’m sorry. Pipe burst down on fifth level.” She grimaced. “My quarters are flooded. Can I sleep on your couch?”</p><p>Relieved it wasn’t something worse, he stepped back to let her in. She made a beeline for the sofa and flopped down onto it, exhausted. Anakin stood there a bit awkwardly, unused to having guests. “Do...you need anything else?”</p><p>She smiled tiredly. “No, thank you, master. I’m sure they’ll have assigned me a temporary room by tomorrow.”</p><p>He nodded. “Sleep well,” he said and headed off to the bedroom, hitting the lights on the way.</p><p>She curled up under the blanket, hopeful that the dream wouldn’t return that night.</p><p>She wasn’t that lucky.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>There was nothing, and then there was a scream that reached through him. </p><p>
  <em>MASTER!</em>
</p><p>Fractured impressions and the smell of blood now, and a <em>swell</em> of horror.</p><p>Anakin’s eyes opened, and he was unsure if the scream he’d heard had been real. <em>What...?</em> As he woke up more fully, brain firing, he realized the feeling behind it was still there and it was coming from nearby — from Ahsoka.</p><p>Bolting upright, he jumped out of bed, yanking his robe around him as he made for the door.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p><em>Ahsoka</em>.</p><p>He — <em>it</em> — was talking this time, mouthing her name through the blood and ruin and she knew it wasn’t real, <em>could not be</em> —</p><p>The voice again, but this time closer, from outside somehow, but still in her head —</p><p>
  <em>Snips.</em>
</p><p>Her eyes flew open, wrenching her from her nightmare. She blinked, remembering where she was. Ahsoka sat up abruptly, to find her master standing at the other end of the couch, looking at her with concern. Her stomach sank and her face burned. Had she yelled in her sleep and woken him? She glanced up at him with something between relief and dread.</p><p>“...Master?”</p><p>He sighed, running a hand through his tousled hair. “I’ll put on some tea.” Anakin headed towards the tiny kitchen. Ahsoka drew her knees up to her chest and rested her forehead on them, wondering if it was possible the whole <em>night</em> had been a bad dream and fervently hoping that was the case.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>In the kitchen, Anakin acknowledged to himself that he didn’t exactly know what to do. Nightmares he knew well. Trying to comfort someone else through them was another matter entirely. But Obi-Wan had made him tea when he’d had nightmares as a child, so it seemed as good a place as any to start.</p><p>Anakin dug through the small kitchen, trying to <em>find</em> the tea, finally turning it up just as the water started to boil.</p><p>He came back a couple of minutes later with steaming cups, and Ahsoka unfolded from the tight knot she’d pulled herself into. She accepted the tea, recognizing it as one of Obi-Wan’s preferred blends, and let the warmth seep into her hands.</p><p>Anakin sat down next to her, not knowing where or how to start. Ahsoka took a sip, sighed, and began.</p><p>“...Did I...scream?” She kept her eyes trained on her tea.</p><p>“Yes, and no,” he said. “I heard you shout for me in the Force.”</p><p>Ahsoka was clearly trying to shield her embarrassment and discomfort, but he could feel it bleeding through. He reached to their bond and brushed it gently, trying to soothe. By her question, he could tell she wasn’t exactly...surprised.</p><p>“Ahsoka,” he said, looking at her closely, “How long have you been having these nightmares?”</p><p>“About a month,” she answered, still avoiding his eyes. “Not all the time. But now...every bad dream is that dream.”</p><p>“What happens in these dreams?”</p><p>She swallowed. “It—it depends. I— I don’t—” Ahsoka shook her head, lips pressed together.</p><p>Anakin considered a moment. He looked at his own mug on the table, watching the steam curl upwards, the recollection painful. “When I was very young, someone told me that if you tell your bad dreams to another person, they won’t come back.” He shrugged. “It’s worth a shot.”</p><p>She looked at him, a little skeptical. “Obi-Wan?”</p><p>He shook his head. “No.” He didn’t elaborate further, and Ahsoka blinked, but didn’t push. After a long moment, she took a deep breath and seemed to gather herself.</p><p>“Our mission on Akiva, when Dozer was killed...” Anakin cast back to it, it had been about two months prior — he and Obi-Wan had taken the line and Ahsoka and Rex had performed a flanking maneuver with a squad to cut off a splinter group. One casualty, Dozer, killed in action.</p><p>She swallowed and looked up at Anakin. “Did Rex tell you how it happened?”</p><p>He shook his head, watching how Ahsoka’s hands were flexing tightly around her cup, knuckles pale.</p><p>She nodded. “I don’t think he saw it.” She seemed to be struggling to find what she wanted to say, and Anakin waited. It wasn’t like her to be without words.</p><p>“While we were getting into position, we split into teams. Dozer was with me. He...tripped a land mine. It—it <em>tore him apart</em>.” She shook her head, fighting to keep talking and not get stuck in the replay. “The blast knocked me down, and when I turned over —” she exhaled.</p><p>“When I turned over, his head was lying on the ground next to me.”</p><p>Anakin froze, but she wasn’t done. It was pouring out now, like she couldn’t quite stop it. Her voice was quiet and unusually intense.</p><p>“Half of his face was <em>gone</em>, and his eye was open, and it was <em>still moving</em> and I couldn’t <em>do anything</em> so I got up and left him there and rejoined Rex.” She took a shaky breath, then set the tea on the table in front of them and scrubbed her face with her hands.</p><p>“The dreams don’t always start the same way. Sometimes there’s an explosion, sometimes not. It’s not even always Dozer. But what they have in common...” She swallowed hard.</p><p>“It’s the <em>head</em>. There’s always just a head. Sometimes whole, sometimes...not.” Ahsoka broke off, trying to shake the images. “Dozer, Master Plo, Master Kenobi. Sometimes, like tonight, it’s <em>you</em>,” she said, and there was a quaver to her voice, which was nearly a whisper now. “It’s worst when it’s you.”</p><p>Anakin let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding, and placed his hand lightly on her back. “Easy, Snips, I’m here. I’m fine.” She shook her head.</p><p>“I know that. It’s not —” Ahsoka paused, sorting out the thought. “It’s not...the worst <em>just</em> because it’s you dying in the dream. It’s because I know your face best, and so it feels the realest.”</p><p>Anakin swallowed. Now the impressions he’d felt made more sense, as well as why she seemed to be having trouble looking at him.</p><p>Always better with actions than words, he slid his arm around her shoulders, gently pulling her into his side. She sighed again, sounding bone-weary, and tucked her head against his chest, feeling his heartbeat echo against her montrals and inhaling the familiar scent of him. In a world punctuated by premature deaths and deliberate detachment, he was the constant, and it had come to signal <em>home</em>.</p><p>Neither spoke for a while, Ahsoka trying to banish the afterimage of her dream. Then Anakin finally asked what had been prickling at him since she’d started her story.</p><p>“Ahsoka, why didn’t you tell me what happened?”</p><p>“The mission was successful. I felt fine. I wasn’t injured, and the dreams didn’t start ‘til weeks later. I don’t know why they did.” She gave a half shrug against him. “It’s war. People die. I’ve seen it so many times, I don’t know why this time was different.”</p><p>This wasn’t bravado on her part, merely a statement of fact. That made it all the more stark. The truth of her words hung there, ugly, heavy. Suddenly she seemed very young, too young to have this knowledge, and Anakin felt far too old for being not yet twenty-one. He looked for the right words.</p><p>“What you saw...would have been difficult for anyone, let alone a padawan learner. Maybe...” He grimaced, knowing she wouldn’t like his suggestion. “Maybe you should go see the healers?”</p><p>Her body tensed, and she pulled back to meet his eyes. Her look was suddenly sharp and guarded. “No.”</p><p>“I know you don’t want to, but if the nightmares continue —”</p><p>“Have you ever gone to them for <em>your</em> nightmares?” Her voice was quiet, but pointed. He sighed.</p><p>“...No.” She gave him a Look, and he found himself glad to see a flash of her usual spiritedness, even if it was aimed at him.</p><p>He could order her to go to the healers, but he knew doing that would only cause her to hide any further troubles from him. “All right, Snips. You don’t have to go see them.”</p><p>Anakin’s tone hardened a little, the general coming through. “But you have to promise me that if they get worse, you’ll tell me. I can’t have you not sleeping and getting sloppy in the field.” His eyes bored into hers. “Promise me.”</p><p>It was an order, but not a rebuke or judgment. She understood. It was her master, in his way, both reminding her to trust him and making it clear that he didn’t think her fragile. The thought comforted her. “I promise.”</p><p>“Think you can sleep?”</p><p>Ahsoka nodded. He squeezed her shoulder, a warm gesture that echoed in the bond, and stood up.</p><p>“You know where I am if you need me.” Anakin headed back into his bedroom. He didn’t close the door.</p><p>Ahsoka took one last sip of tea and laid back down. She felt raw, like she’d been hollowed out, though there was comfort in having told him. It wouldn’t fix anything, on its own, but maybe it would be enough to quiet the nightmares, help it process. She closed her eyes, focusing on the warmth of the bond, curling it around her mind. A gentle press of reassurance back. She wasn’t alone.</p><p>She fell asleep, and blissfully, did not dream.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> <strong>Fin.</strong> </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I wouldn’t call what Ahsoka’s experiencing full-blown PTSD necessarily, but definite delayed processing of an especially traumatic event. In my experience, nightmares are often not linear in the way a story is, and that makes them all the more unsettling. I tied to capture that feeling here.</p><p>Anakin’s allusion to his mother’s saying that sharing a dream prevents it from coming back is something my mother used to tell me when I was a kid, and as a kid, it seemed to work. I also recommend Sleepytime tea in such circumstances; if you know what that smells like, that’s what I imagined as I wrote it.</p><p>As ever, please leave me your thoughts/criticisms! Thanks for reading.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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